I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
