she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
