he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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