Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drake has all the answers
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
