I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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