I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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