we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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