I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
