Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You made out with two different species that night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
