how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
