Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
