I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
