The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
