I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
