WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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