wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
