Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
