You're completely useless in the revolution.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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