I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
