No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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