There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
