so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
