You're completely useless in the revolution.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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