My first STD was from a foam party
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
did i walk over a car last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
