it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
