Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
