Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize