Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mom said you looked used
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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