Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you win again, gameday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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