i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
