Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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