party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I checked into jail on foursquare
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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