Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
