the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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