You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize