all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
