3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
