And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
