I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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