Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
