Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
