I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
