I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
