I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
