Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
