he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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