Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
