you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The maid of honor just puked.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize