My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
