I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
