If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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