The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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