If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.