Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?