I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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