cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
