dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
