Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
