So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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