Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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