I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
