So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
