You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
