That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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