Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
